My take on this: it’s just something that is not meant to be gotten used to.
it’s like skydiving in a way..that it just will always feel like the first time. Same insane cells firing at intense rates, same flashbacks of your life, and same thoughts about where you’re gonna end up if you die.
But all I’m asking is that it doesn’t occur so freaking frequently, but I guess it’s all about appreciating it.. which obviously I’ve yet to fully comprehend.
kinda forgot this even exist. i guess its times like this, when you really have too much spare time that you remember the little little online presences that you have planted everywhere (ok besides facebook that is).
ugh i wish unemployment would end now. you have NO idea.
The ones who missed the avalanche by seconds, the ones who watched the cars swallowed by falling debris, the ones who are family of those who still remained drowned under the piles and heaps, the ones who didn’t die.
i dont think there’s any day for the past 22 years that I have NOT worry about having not enough money. its like an obsession. and the fact that i honestly DO NOT have enough money doesn’t really help.
there’s just so many things i wanna do that requires the stack of cash. which i do not have. and its saddening.
its amazing how some people put a different front in the presence of others.
this is not the you i know. and it feels weird to see you doing your thing. but we all do, dont we? so i’m not going to judge you for i am guilty too, i guess we all need acceptance. and we try hard to get it.
note to self: no tinted glasses
freak, studying has significantly increase my posting frequency.
i know i know i know that my blogging rate has been like hooha high for the past few hours but this is what studying overnight alone in Central Library does to me, really.
okay so here’s the point of this entry. just got wind that one of my fellow psych year 4 just got offered a job. HELL YEAH, i was jealous. no, correction. i AM jealous. oh boy.
you know how everyone is like telling you “its okayyy, take your time..” “you deserve a breakkk.” yada yada.. people i REALLY am taking them seriously, like, i am heeding everyone’s advices! in fact, ACTIVELY! so active that zero resumes have been sent out to date.
*gasp*, i hear you.
maybe i’m interpreting these advices wrongly but i’d rather believe that im marching to the beat of my own drummer.
i wasn’t measuring you using my ruler. but how can we be so different. how can we have done things so differently. i’m not expecting us to be on the same page, but certainly, not in different books my dear. oh how.
okay fine. maybe i was measuring you using my ruler. but how could i not. this truly frustrates the hell out of me/stab me/kill me/murder me/for i cant help but feel disappointed in you.
my last leg of education race finally ended today.
its hard to believe how everything can just end like this.
you know how we always envisioned things to be more ‘wow’ and ‘bam’? somehow things always turn out to be mere ordinary. nothing special. the day goes on, people move on, you eat the same food you eat, meet the same people you meet, and you do the same things you do. last day seems exactly like the first day.
but 4 years. 4 years surely mean something. or rather, I hoped it meant something.
its always depressing on wednesday and i hate the fact that it is. and its depressing probably because its the day i have the worse class in my life - child abnormal psychology.
i remembered the time i declared social psychology as being the worse class ever. guess what people, we have a new champion.
i honestly cannot express my hatred enough for this class, not in words, not in anything that is readable or hearable by any living non-living being in this whole wide world. i felt like i just wasted all my wednesday for the past 3 months.
but hey. today will be the last time you ever hear me grumbling about it. alas.
as the time creeps near 9pm, i felt my world crushing now. in just moments, this will be the end. the end of my entire student life.
even though positive psychology wasn’t my official last class of the semester.. i felt like the end of this class was like the end of my NUS career. oh how sad. when the class finally ended.. everyone lingered around.. as if waiting for something to happen. and it did. someone asked for a class photo. and boy, was i not resistant to the idea.
so here it is.. my first and last class photo in NUS.
I know, SHOUTOUT SIKKIM! even THEY are shouting out now, hur hur.. too many things to do, too many deadlines to meet, too many too many..
still.. amidst all these too-manys, life is still G R E A T! I mean what’s better than fretting over something you are oh-so-passionate about? Just have to juggle juggle juggle, manage manage manage, and in the blink of an eye, school will be over, worries will be gone, things will be done, THEN, will be the time I’ll hold my lime martini on one hand, une cigarette on the other, and just wait for time to pass with nothing to do *tap tap tap*
how many people out there truly give, how many truly give with all their hearts? Secretly, everyone has an agenda. An agenda to fulfill, a purpose to reach, a goal to achieve, humans never do things for nothing, humans never do things asking for nothing in return. Something must come out of the efforts, for conflicts will arise if there wasn’t.
Yet, we all pretend that we truly care, we deny ourselves of the cruel truth.
Face it, we don’t. ask youself, do you?
But perhaps, for once, amidst it all, we can try. We can try to truly give, to truly give, just once.